Mindset Matters: What You Can—and Can’t—Control in Life 

By Sarah Reitkopp, LMHC, Mental Health Counselor

Have you ever felt like life just happens to you? Like no matter what you do, things seem to spiral out of your control? Or, on the flip side, do you believe that if you just try hard enough, you can shape your future exactly the way you want? These feelings come down to how we think about control – whether we see ourselves as active participants in our lives or believe that outside forces dictate what happens. Understanding this can make a big difference in how you approach challenges, stress, and even your happiness.

Do You Feel in Control of Your Life?
Some people feel like their choices and actions shape their lives, while others feel like life is mostly driven by outside forces—things like luck, fate, or other people’s decisions. The way you think about control can have a big impact on your mental health and overall well-being.

If you feel mostly in control, you believe your actions influence your life’s outcomes. You feel responsible for your successes and setbacks. If you feel like life happens to you, you may believe that no matter what you do, things won’t change. This can lead to frustration, anxiety, or feeling stuck. Most people have a mix of both beliefs depending on the situation. But if you lean too far in one direction, it can create stress and challenges in your life.

Signs You Might Be Struggling with Feeling in Control
It can be tricky to recognize when your mindset about control is working against you. Here are a few signs to watch for:

• Feeling helpless or stuck – If you often think, What’s the point? Nothing I do changes anything, you might feel like you have no control over your life. This can lead to stress, anxiety, or even depression because it feels like life is happening to you, rather than being something you can influence.
• Blaming yourself too much – If you always think, I should have done more or This is all my fault, you might take on responsibility for things that aren’t within your control. While taking ownership of your actions is healthy, blaming yourself for everything can lead to guilt, burnout, and low self-esteem.
• Avoiding risks or new challenges – If you assume things won’t work out no matter what, you might avoid trying new things altogether. This can keep you stuck in patterns that don’t serve you.Struggling with anxiety or perfectionism – If you believe that everything is up to you and you must get it right all the time, that pressure can lead to stress and anxiety. It can also make it hard to accept setbacks or mistakes.

5 Ways to Find a Healthier Balance 
If any of these sounds familiar, don’t worry – you’re not alone! The good news is that you can start to shift your mindset to find a healthier balance. Here’s how: 

1. Recognize What You Can and Can’t Control – One of the best ways to reduce stress is to separate what’s in your hands and what isn’t. You can’t control the weather, other people’s actions, or random events. But you can control how you respond, the effort you put in, and the choices you make. Try this: The next time you feel frustrated, ask yourself, “is this something I can influence?” If yes, focus on what action you can take. If not, practice letting go of the worry.
2. Reframe Negative Thoughts – Our thoughts shape our feelings. If you often tell yourself, I have no control over my life, try shifting your perspective: I may not control everything, but I can take small steps to improve my situation. One helpful trick: When you catch yourself thinking in extremes (I’ll never be able to do this), replace it with a more balanced thought (This is difficult, but I can figure it out).
3. Take Small, Meaningful Actions – Even tiny steps can help you regain a sense of control. If you feel stuck, pick one small thing you can do today—whether it’s setting a goal, asking for help, or simply taking a deep breath and resetting your mindset.
4. Celebrate Effort, Not Just Outcomes – A healthy mindset about control means recognizing that while you don’t control everything, your actions still matter. Instead of only measuring success by results, focus on the effort you put in. Maybe you didn’t land the job, but you worked hard on your application. Maybe your day didn’t go as planned, but you still showed up and tried. That matters.
5. Seek Support When You Need It – If you’re feeling overwhelmed, talking to a counselor can help you find new ways to manage challenges and build a stronger sense of confidence in your ability to navigate life. You don’t have to figure it all out on your own—sometimes, having the right support makes all the difference.

If you feel like you could use some extra guidance, we’re here to help. The Counseling Center at JFS provides a supportive space where you can explore these challenges and find new ways to move forward. Connect with us today to book your free 15-minute consultation. Click HERE to schedule yours.